growth and giving, breath and beating

wimbledon common - work in progress

2010-04-07T18:32:00.006+01:00

this is some work i've done recently, about/inspired by wimbledon common.
this post is mainly for members of the group i've been working with, to see some results of what i've been up to. it may be deleted soon.

35mm photog (click the image to see the 9 chosen shots biiiiig):

digital photog (being used in a video, rather than as stills):

design (for the audiences information):

floor plan for installation:

video and sculpture work not shown because it'd be so much hassle get it on here just yet. also unfinished!

BREEZE

2009-09-01T22:03:00.007+01:00

BREEZE is online.
you can download it here

or simply listen on myspace... add? thanks.

2009-09-01T13:15:00.003+01:00

i am writing another ambient piece of music. i like YOUTH but now realise it's too raucous at the start which might put people off. the new one will be mainly piano based and very very spacious. it's because i wish i was haruka nakamura.
it'll probably be finished tonight but my software keeps stopping abruptly. i think i need to reinstall and cross my fingers.
this is a contact sheet of some photos i took on a camera my dad sent away for with weetabix tokens when he was a kid. it's broken, but the results are as follows:

in other news, Brand New's new album is brilliant. I shall be buying it when it is released.
For the last couple of days I've been helping out with the Cambridge Film Festival early programmes (and will be helping on the actual festival too), and last night was amazing. We inflated the massive half a ton screen next to a river, and the audience were to be sitting on the other side. We were screening the preview of Big River Man, an amazing documentary about Martin Strel swimming the entire Amazon river. He and his son came to the screening and hung out, said a few words to the audience, and then the film began. There was no wind and it wasn't really cold and the conditions were perfect. The film was fantastic and very very engaging. So impressed by the whole thing. If you want to see the a clip of the film you can go here and click on pilot. here's some phone pictures of setting up the screen and the beautiful sunset.

Climate Camp was so much good clean fun. I went alone hoping to meet someone I knew, and I did! Then everything else that happened was great, it was so refreshing to live in that sort of environment, one that I talk about so much. Living with nearly no impact to the environment or animals, and being constructive and positive. I strongly recommend it for anyone next year.

I hope you are not worrying too much about anything.

i wrote a piece of music

2009-08-24T16:48:00.005+01:00

i hope you like it.
comment here with what you think about it, good or bad, if you want to.
i just thought i'd ask - there is a comment section! - doesn't get used loads, but that's cool.

here it is for download.

thanks!

in life news, i've been spending some time with elderly relatives recently. i was given a typewriter, a dictaphone, and went to a charity shop and bought a 'They Might Be Giants' vinyl for £1.50...
This is all great stuff.

i'm probably going to be making a music video (on super 8) for my friend's band Marines. Check them out here! we'll be meeting soon, and then it'll begin...
also, upon hearing my results, universities have given unconditional offers, and now I'm pretty much ready to go! perhaps not psychologically though, I used to be a massive worrier when i was a kid. i'll be alright now though, not much seems to phase me anymore, I'm the coolest cat. I hope.

Have a great day everybody.
If you want to get updates on this blog, just bookmark/favourite the page! Or do your stuff with the RSS thing.

a film i made

2009-08-18T15:11:00.002+01:00

credits:
Made by: Narayan O'Hanlon
Film Stock: (Super 8) Kodak Ektachrome 64T
Shot with: Agfa Movexoom 10
Hand Processed/DIY Telecine
thanks to my parents and friends

some images

2009-08-09T23:54:00.008+01:00

the last few months have been quite slow, college and working got the better of me. I got top marks on my course though, so that's alright, right?? now that i want to use the blog for showcasing some of the things i have created, i'm gonna be doing some updates with old and new things. if you've seen these images before, sorry, bear with me.

aldburgh

the home

fresh

2009-08-09T23:39:00.002+01:00

i ought to use this blog to showcase the 'work' i do, especially now it's the holidays and i can be getting on with creating.
so here's to doing that.
there's too many sites out there and i use too many of them - tumblr, flickr, deviantart... i don't really know who i'm trying to show my work to now... and i think a blog is the most general/recognised way of doing this, it's pretty universal. the downside is that it's as a timeline, so it doesn't show your work in a gallery... i guess i could sort something out though.
either that, or just be super productive and have something good to post every day....

i have nothing to post today.

now to deviate entirely from what i just said, and use the blog to talk about life rather than show work:

i will be going to cornwall soon, because i really want to. that's the best of all reasons.
before that though, i have a letter to send.

i've not been able to post it because for the last three weeks i've been working on a feature film as a runner, and as the 'making of...' documentary maker. i have about 10 hours of footage to trawl through. the 1st AD said i can't use footage of him being shouted at by the lead actor, david schofield. that's a shame because it's some class footage. youtube gold though. heh. heh. heh. heeeeh.
christian bale pt 2.

my body clock is ruined from the 4:30pm starts to 5am wraps. and sometimes wrapping later. we wrapped at 3:30 once, that was the best. i went to 24hr tesco and bought some pasta afterwards.

i miss blogs
i miss you
good....night, but i'm gonna be awake all night anyway, so... good... bye world.

trilogy

2009-08-08T22:27:00.005+01:00

so much stuff happened to my hair in the last week.
i documented it by self portrait + words -

What are you doing right now?

2009-06-12T22:54:00.003+01:00

We live life on multiple sets of timelines. I could answer this question simply with a short term answer that requires little thought - 'answering this question' or 'writing this blog', 'listening to music'. My mind wouldn't be trying very hard, because the answer is in my face.

The duration of time it takes for me to write the blog is one timeline that I was sitting on at that point. I was also in the middle of production for a film, I could use that. Now we're thinking a little harder. It's more hidden, but nessecary and true to the question. The timelines get bigger and bigger until we can only describe ourselves as 'living' and 'existing'. Funnily enough, terms which don't require much thought either. I just took the scenic route to that conclusion.
The massive timelines - I can't even comprehend, and the tiny timelines, all my bodies chemical and electric processes I cannot comprehend either. There's no way I could tell you what I'm doing right now without giving you an entirely boring answer really, so, while eating my own words - let's hope this answer was a little more interesting.

Whats something you really want right now?

2009-06-08T14:07:00.001+01:00

Something can't be a person, unless a person can be referred to as a thing. I suppose they could be, if you were being rude, but if I wanted a person I wouldn't want to be rude about them. My first choice is out the window.

I'm trying hard to stop wanting material things, it's something that's hard to help, in this (first) world. You're made to buy almost everything, in order for the capitalist systems to work (or try their best to), but the whole idea of want slightly worries me. It'd be positively amazing to meet a person who could stop themselves from having the feeling of wanting. It's pretty much enlightenment. But it's hard to imagine such a person existing. What sort of person would they be, what would they do or achieve in their life? Wanting objects, change, things to stay the same, a job, a holiday. I suppose it's what drives every human being to do.... everything, maybe. An idea that we are somewhere on a timeline, at the bottom, at the start, and later there's a finish line where time has passed and we have finally obtained something - that idea feels like it's programmed into me. An anticipation of anything. I guess that concept could be related to the passing of time itself. If something stays completely the same in every way... has time passed?

Seems that wants could be subconsciously driven by worries or fear. Fear that we won't be able to afford a brand new car so we want a pay rise, fear that we will be out on the streets, so we want to work hard. But, rather, for the latter we need to work hard. I don't really want to. Thus, wanting is gluttonous, an excess, not necessary. For my survival, wellbeing and health, I need to do certain (and numerous) things that my glutton says I don't want to do.

I think perhaps my hypothetical "person with no wants" is really just a person who has learned to want his needs.

I want a hug.

Have you ever cried uncontrollably on a friend's shoulder?

2009-06-07T22:07:00.003+01:00

I've definitely cried on someones shoulder, mainly when I was a child, but I'm trying to think of the most recent example. The time that springs to mind was quite a while ago, I don't cry unless there's a real reason or need really nagging me. In fact the last time I shed a tear, I blogged about it - momentous! So the person whose shoulder I was crying on was also crying. It was a strange situation, the question asks for a friend's shoulder. I didn't really know if this person was my friend or not. I definitely wanted them to be, with all my heart. I think that's enough.
I often think about that moment, most days actually. Sounds kind of sadistic right? It definitely was a life changing moment. I think despite what was going on at the time, if that moment never happened I wouldn't be the person I am today. And that's a person I am happy with. I don't really know why I think about it so much. I think it's because nearly every day I see the place where it all took place, and every day I think about this person because it makes me feel strong. That life is worth the effort that I try to put in.

Sometimes from sadness, something positive can come. Like a cactus growing in sand, a strong resilient plant that stands tall whatever the weather, grown in desolation and in poor soil. Next time all you can see is sadness or loss, make sure that in your mind, there is some hope in knowing that things will get better, there just has to be some sort of effort or strength. And in that knowledge, you've taken the first step towards a better path.

When is your birthday?

2009-06-07T10:42:00.001+01:00

My birthday is during winter time. It's sort of sad that as you get older you get less excited by birthdays. I suppose when you're a child the world is full of unknowns, magic. As an adult, people tend to apply more knowledge and logic in all situations. A lot of the wide-eyed wonder of being a child is lost, as you start to gain responsibilities, and start having to worry about taking care of yourself and maybe others. I think as a child the reason you get excited about a birthday is for the material possessions, and as an adult you're more worried about other things. I guess this is why adults buy each other really useful but seemingly plain things for birthdays and Christmas. I always tried to discourage my parents from buying those sorts of things for their relatives in favour of something 'fun', but now as I am about to move out, I can see that if my aunty gave me a brand new set of pots and pans, I'd be so thankful compared to if she gave me an action man.
That said, the child in me is strong. I like getting gifts that people really have put thought into. But whatever it's cool. The bottom line is, it's just another day. I just enjoy it when people can spend some time to hang out, but that can happen any day. I suppose what I mean is... People give the event of a birthday it's meaning. It's best to go in expecting nothing, and go to bed with a smile. On your birthday, and everyday.

Who did you last share a bed with?

2009-06-05T23:14:00.004+01:00

The last person I shared a bed with is Thom Kerr.
Thom is someone who shares.
This is important, sharing - the sharing of material possesions, ideas/information. The most important being the latter. It evolves society. The famous example of 'I can give a man a fish and feed him for a day, but I can teach a man to fish, and he can feed himself for the rest of his life.' Sharing implies an exchange, or multiple exchanges.
You could indeed share something one-way, like you can share your lunch with a homeless person, but sharing is fundamentally a community experience, a relationship building experience. Mutual benefit is implied. Thom let me hang out, watch TV, go on the net, and sleep in his bed alongside him. We would find laughs together, talk together about all sorts of topics, and I know that we both enjoyed each other's company.

I think the original question was possibly supposed to provoke an emotional response from the person answering it, positive or negative. At first, I thought of the last person I had a relationship with. The last time I had an opportunity to share a bed with her, I decided to sleep on the floor due to her being uncomfortable with my being there. I wanted to share, but I suppose she didn't want to. This helps prove that sharing can only be a mutual exchange, otherwise it perhaps needs a separate definition.

My newest bed is a double bed, and I've not shared it with anyone, though I am happy to try and share all I can.

How does it feel to lose someone close to you?

2009-06-05T23:01:00.003+01:00

Death is life affirming.
The loss of a singular life means the person has been immortalised.
Their life was written and cannot be unwritten, with life comes control and responsibility over one's actions and reputation. In death these things are no longer in their hands, and the person, though non-existent, has now been completed and cannot be changed or made complete. The living are becoming the person they are and will be, shifting constantly. In a state of flux. The dead can only be.

You can tie a balloon round your wrist and keep it close, and the string could come loose without you noticing. The balloon floats up in the sky without you noticing, until you look down at your wrist. You look up and see your balloon in the sky. If you stay to watch it, tiny, up there, you'll notice it doesn't look like it's getting any further away. If you move on, your memories of your balloon will be good. You can only remember it as complete, and it made you happy. You still have the string round your wrist and the images in your mind's eye. Be thankful you ever had the balloon at all.

When I see a balloon floating above a city in a blue summer sky, I smile. It makes me think of freedom, and innocence, transcending the dirty surroundings from where it came.

And I know there is a child looking up at the same sight as me, crying for their loss.

twist

2009-06-05T22:48:00.002+01:00

too much real life stuff is going on to blog with substance.

you know those bulletin quizzes that go round myspace?

I'm gonna do one of those, with a twist, each blog will delve into each question, so i'll be answering one at a time in painful detail.
Rach just posted a bulletin quiz (rare, now that everyone is now using the 'grown up' facebook.... ha) so I'll use that one.
List of questions:

How does it feel to lose someone close to you?
Who did you last share a bed with?
When is your birthday?
Have you ever cried uncontrollably on a friend's shoulder?
Whats something you really want right now?
What are you doing right now?
Are you happy?
Will you be in a relationship next month?
How many belts do you own?
The person you have feelings for shows up at your house, what do you do ?
Describe the shirt your wearing?
Do you enjoy summer?
Can you imagine yourself getting married?
Were you happy when you woke up today?
Did you laugh a lot at something today?
Any current problem?
Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
What do you do when you have a bad day?
If someone is doing something that pisses you off, do you tell them?
Is the last person you hugged older than you?
Are you someone who worries too often?
Have you seen anyone lately that you don't get along with?
Whats the closest thing to you thats green,,,?
Do you remember what you were like a year ago?
Are you the youngest person living in your house?
You're currently looking forward to?
Who did this quiz before you?
Do you always answer your phone?
Has anyone ever said to you, "You're going down the wrong path"?
Are you wearing jeans right now?
Do you enjoy late night phone conversations?
Who was the last person to make you laugh?
When did you last hold hands with someon?
Have you made any new regrets this year?
Is anyone else in the room with you?
Have you ever cried during a movie?
Three hours ago, were you touching a person of the opposite sex?
Is there something you're looking forward to this month?
What's the wallpaper on your cell phone?
What are you doing besides this survey?
Does anything hurt on your body?
Who last said they loved you?
Who's bed did you last lay in?
Do you have a big family?
What did you do today?

weird

2009-05-01T17:40:00.002+01:00

i don't think i've ever felt as weird as i did this morning.

i woke up 10 minutes before my phone alarm was set to go off. i turned it off and saw that i had a text, it was 5 words long, but i've never had the feeling i felt this morning before. it made me so happy and feel positive, yet it was crushing and i felt so helpless at the same time.
i usually can't get up in the mornings, pressing my snooze button and snoozing back to sleep.
this morning i lay awake, thinking. my mind just fighting with itself about which emotion it was meant to be feeling. i don't do this often, but i began to cry.
i am at a point in my life where i can change everything, i have to.
i wish i could have the best of both worlds.

too.

zine1

2009-04-22T00:06:00.004+01:00

test zine, for fun!
inspired by thom kerr.
also, inspired to be uploaded here by josh.

15 were printed in monochrome and colour on fun paper.
Tests I suppose.
Now infinty can be made. If you can be bothered to figure out how to FOLD THEM.

x

ps. zine2 was finished some days ago. wait for it.

2009-04-15T01:24:00.006+01:00

stay all night. we'll wait, expecting the dawn.

2009-04-05T20:02:00.002+01:00

Birds sing the night into a close.
Pennines write amazing melodic songs with some excellent words, and they have a few 'new' ones on their myspace. get on it and nod your head. I wish I had that sort of capability, to write intertwining melodies so excellent.

If you have no interest in films you can skip this blog.
I have set myself a target to finish this blog before my battery dies, which is soon. So here goes:

The easter holidays are upon me, and I figured I'm gonna ready myself for making a "documentary" I should've done as my FMP. I have suddenly realised the huge amount of abstraction that documentaries have the potential to use. I want to make a fake documentary, not a mockumentary, or a docu-drama.... not even something between the two. I just want to use documentary techniques to make something someone will believe in, yet is entirely false. I want it to be observational, but not third-person. I have figured it all out and it will be calm serene and engaging, it will have 2 screens going at once, kinda like timecode.
I don't want to give away much more, other than you will learn nothing from this documentary.
You might learn something about me though!
Anyway, I'm excited for that, and for my FMP. My batch of super8 film will be arriving hopefully real soon...
It's got the potential to be a massive disaster, but I will try my best to make it good.

Life. Life's good, I am feeling positive. I'd like to be able to do magic though, like all this pretend magic stuff... but actually real.
I realise Jesus, as a religious character was awesome. In a strange way, I wish there were less catholics, less worshippers, less religious, and no church... but more people willing to learn about that kind of stuff. Theres an awful lot of atheists with so much hate, when their 'enemies', the religious, are filled with love. It's a sorry battle. Theres 'truth' versus faith. There isn't a winner, atheists have put all their faith in truth (dangerous), and the religious have put all their truth in faith (dangerous).
I think the only way out of the battle is to denounce your status as an atheist or as a theist. Theists will not be willing to do this easily, atheists will probably do it easier, but only the agnostic-crossover ones, who are an open book, really. I guess that's a good way to be, but more susceptible to the influence of others. Is that influence a bad thing though?
It's always good to listen to your enemies arguments too. Their point is as valuable as yours, because you both believe in your cause equally. If you are blind to their cause, they are blind to yours, and this is not something anyone will gain from. I wish more people listened and considered others wishes. Myself included.

My battery is on it's very last legs.
I don't know why I wrote all that, I was making it up as I was going along. Maybe someone has something to say about it.

All we have is the future, but we don't even ever get to be in the future. The concept of the future can only exist in our minds, because all we ever have is right now. There is no past either. The past doesn't exist anymore, only now does. That said, the future in my mind is a happy, positive one. But of course, I can't just hope for a happy future, I have to make it a happy one, by myself and with the help of others.
Please make the future happy.
For you, for me, for everyone.
Remember to do something nice, and to be someone nice.
But remember you can only ever do it now.
:)
Love
xxxx

10 albums that probably changed me

2009-03-28T12:27:00.001Z

perhaps changed the way i see the world, the way i see music, changed my listening habits, made me think differently about an issue, or just affected me lots in an emotional way.
big blog to make up for lack of recent posts.
I have lots of songs that i would say have changed me, but this is a list of full albums, that i listen/ed to from start to end, followed by a short paragraph about why, and the context of life when it first hit me.

1 Eels - Electro-Shock Blues
2 The Get Up Kids - Guilt Show
3 Outkast - Aquemini
4 Anathallo - Floating World
5 Cursive - The Ugly Organ
6 Ratatat - Ratatat
7 The Prodigy - Experience
8 Brand New - Deja Entendu
9 Bomb The Music Industry! - Album Minus Band
10 Sigur Ros - Untitled

Eels - Electro-Shock Blues
This album fell into my position in year 10 when I started my drama gcse. The scratched cd was hidden under a bunch of others, out of their cases, and we needed some music to go with a bit of physical theatre we came up with. I only played the start of the first 2 songs, and track 3 sounded good, so we used it. While practicing our piece it played for longer and i heard bits of other tracks, and I really really liked all these snippets i'd heard. I took it home with me, hoping the teacher didn't notice one of his cds was gone. I listened to every track and some made me really happy, others really sad. But this cd is one which i think is close to my heart. It was written by Mark Everett because all of a sudden his family and friends started dying, and he didn't know what to do. The album is seriously depressing, but I listened to it at just the right time in my life. I think it made me appreciate things more, and feel more positive about what I have.
Look at this

The Get Up Kids - Guilt Show
In my early teens I found a young man called Alex, he was a photographer (this is way before 'photography' was 'cool' n stuff) and he was into some good music - ie pretty much exactly what i listened to, so I asked him to send me some albums which i didn't have. This was one of them. It hadn't been out long, and I didn't think much of it at the time, I mean, it was good but it seemed like straight pop-punk. Years later, I listen to a track and it catches my attention once more. I am preoccupied by doing something else, like work, so the following tracks play until the album ends and a different band starts playing, which really ruins the mood Guilt Show set. I immediately set play to the first track on the album, and get preoccupied with work again. I end up listening to the album on repeat and realise that each song blends into the next and each has such a mixture of sounds and moods, is amazing. It's made me so happy and positive, knowing the songs, the words and being able to sing and shout along in the car... a great feeling, It's perfect for summer.

Outkast - Aquemini
Again, this album was a late bloomer. I only really got into it in about late 2007. When I first listened to Aquemini, it was a bit after Stankonia had come out. I was in year 9 or 10, and a guy lent me Stankonia too, I was much more into that. Aquemini seemed nowhere near as catchy or poppy or easy to 'get'... But over time, it started getting played more and more. Particular tracks and riffs roped me in bit by bit - the horns in Spottieottiedopaliscious, the vocal harmonies in Liberation, the hoe-down feel of Rosa Parks... it all is really honest and real hip-hop. It's not at all what hip-hop seems like. Sure, this album IS hip-hop, but behind that surface it's actually more like spoken word, poems with undercurrents of funk, soul, jazz, blues, pop, a bit of everything. And it all feels so real and raw. There is some brilliant music, and (even though I don't pay attention to the lyrics until i've heard to music a million times) the words and raps are equally brilliant. Everyone knows it, don't just take my word for it. Q magazine gave it 5 stars. Rolling Stone gave it 5 stars. Source gave it 5 stars. Entertainment Weekly gave it an 'A'. Rap Reviews gave it 10/10. Spin gave it 10/10...
I wouldn't believe them on first listen, but now I totally 'get' this album. It is near perfect.

Anathallo - Floating World
I went to see Manchester Orchestra for the 2nd or 3rd time, in London, in late 2007 or early 2008 (i don't remember!). Supporting were Anathallo - I was drawn to them, their d-i-y feel, lots of people playing lots of different instruments, interpretive dancing, Chris from MO running on and 'acting' in time with the music. But the music... seriously amazing. No recordings can compare to their live performances. If you ever have the opportunity to see Anathallo.... PLEASE go. You will miss the best gig of your life. A couple of weeks later they were playing up the road, in a pub. I HAD to go. I tried to get a photopass/guestlist. I got it. Supporting were (in order of appearance) This Town Needs Guns (see my review from a few blogs back), Surrounded (Scandinavian Visual band with projectors and walls of sound), and Indigo Moss (uk bluesy folky quirky male/female duo fronted band). They all rocked beyond belief. But what rocked even more is that before the gig I spent my afternoon going round london with Matt Joynt (singer from anathallo) going to coffee shops, reading newspapers, chatting about the stories and UK music, and hanasakajijii, and why the songs are like what they are, and the evolution of his band... so much stuff... he really was a great and interesting guy! I was amazed to meet him, and I was really happy and positive, but it felt like he was amazed to meet me! That's the level of coolness. This band have really made a big impression on me. Their music is indescribable, and that week where i first heard of, saw, took photos for, and met Anathallo, turned my musical world into something else completely.

Cursive - The Ugly Organ
In 2005 it must have been, I got sent a song called The Night I Lost The Will To Fight. It was pretty cool. I put it in to my music collection. Some days later I asked to have another song by the same band, and was sent The Recluse. This was even better, so I decided to find the rest of the album. One by one, the songs were limewired and each one was darker, creepier and more intense. It wasn't that easy, limewiring all the songs... it took me a while to find each one, but by then the ones i had were played many many times through. Each day I could find a new one, I'd be more excited about getting it. The album got pieced together and the outcome was a painting of suffering and... ugliness really. But at the same time intricacy and sheer beauty. (Speaking in Disney terms,) If Anathallo is Pocahontas, Cursive is Quasimodo - the album is largely gritty and distorted, angry and angsty. It opened my ears to a whole new sound, a new way of making music be ugly and beautiful. It changed the way I felt about the world for a long time, I was addicted to this album!

Ratatat - Ratatat
I was 15 or 16, in my last year of secondary, and I was chatting with a guy from the year above, who had just gone to 6th form, on msn. We started chatting about anime, and music... just nerdy stuff we had in common, and he recommended Ratatat. He said they were sort of like Daft Punk. Now, at the time I wasn't really that keen on Daft Punk, so I decided not to check them out. A little while passed and i thought i'd illegally get a song or two, just for fun, whenever i thought i'd need an electro fix. Turns out Ratatat are the masters of melody and harmony. There is no possible way you can't want to dance listening to their songs. I then got their 2 albums that were out at the time, and found amazing remixes of rap and pop songs they'd done. A year or two later, and their third LP came out. I was so hooked on Ratatat I got it the day it was out. Incredibly catchy songs that I could (and have) put on repeat all day. And secretly danced around the room to.

The Prodigy - Experience
When I was 8 or 9, this was one of my first albums I bought with my own money for my new portable CD player. I've always loved Prodigy, since Mickey introduced me to them over headphones on the way to orchestra. So much energy and different moods and soundscapes... The remixes and songs were nothing like I'd heard on the radio. I had already got some Prodigy singles on cassette, and Mickey came over my house with all his Prodigy CD's and we made mixtapes of the best ones. Basically all I listened to on my cassette walkman was Prodigy. If it wasn't for them, the very first group I really really loved, I wouldn't be the person I am today, I am sure of it. They were my only music for a big part of my childhood!

Brand New - Deja Entendu
Soon after this album came out, I was shown the video to the lead single from it. The video was cool but not that cool, but the bassline was awesome. I checked out some other songs and they were all totally different, really poppy and upbeat. This was a musical turn-off, but I continued listening to the first song. Turns out the poppy songs were from their first album (which funnily enough I came to love, once i understood the context of it), and the songs in Deja are very varied and often had dark themes. Again, speaking to Alex (see Get Up Kids), he sent me their two albums. They took a few listens to get used to, but I started to realise I really appreciate Brand New. If their music, even though I didn't love it right away, was to go away somehow... there would be a big gap in my heart/brain. From the naive punky i'm-so-sad-boo-hoo days, to their dark, subtle no-really,-i'm-seriously-sad. days, all the way through to their third album, when it came out I'd seen them live once or twice, and been living with their songs (or maybe their songs had been living with me?) for all that time. The same thing happened, I didn't quite get it at first, it was another new direction, but I quickly grew to love it. All Brand New 'fans' are big Brand New fans, they realise their music has so much in it, emotionally and otherwise... and I regard myself as one of them. Bring on the summer gig!

Bomb the Music Industry! - Album Minus Band
A massively inspiring album, done totally D-I-Y on a laptop, and distributed online for free. It is amazing. The music itself is genius, and to think it's one guy working in such constraints, is amazing and commendable. I really really wish I could do something like this. I don't know how I first found BTMI, but when I did, a whole new way of making and thinking about music opened up. I applied a new set of values to what I could do with my music, thanks to this album. I could never write anything so amazing, but I can at least try, and its easy to give stuff away for free, so... my Album Minus Band is possible, someday, I think...

Sigur Ros - ( )
The first hard copy Sigur Ros album I bought. Before I went to Canada in summer 2005 I had a few songs which I listened to a tiny bit, and liked the sounds, but didn't really 'get' them. In Canada I was introduced to more by my friends dad, who gave me about 10GBs of music in mix CDs. It was a great band to chill out to, as soon as I got back I bought ( ) and listened to it from start to finish. In first listen I had nearly been reduced to tears, been really elated, and been really angry. The music was doing all of this to my mood, like a movie would with visuals and sound and words, but all of this was just... noises. Such amazing power. I find it hard to listen to this album on shuffle, it can only be in order, it's like a journey. The band released Takk... a little while later, which I nearly bought the day it was out, but instead waited patiently to get as a birthday present. I loved Takk too, but there was my natural disposition to not-want-poppyness that somehow made me want to stop and listen to ( ). It's a special album to me, and i'm sure it's special to everyone else that sits down and listens to it, from track 1 to track 8.

I realise this is probably really uninteresting for you, apart from perhaps the choices themselves.
I could talk lots about other bands and particular songs that have changed me, but this will do for now
End.
xxxxxxxxxxx

love

2009-03-18T00:37:00.003Z

is a strange emotion. i feel so much of it for so many things. just life, and everything in it.

we are gods.

we can give life, we can take life away, we can cause suffering, we can affect the land around us. we are fucking gods.

i'm not even kidding, of course i'm not drunk/stoned/anything... i'm genuinely deadly serious, and amazed by this revelation i suddenly had.

we are omnipresent - as long as 'humanity' exists we ARE. when there are no more humans, there is no human perception. it's like ...

you can only know what it is to be alive. you can't know death. there is only ever life. this is omnipresence, because...

existence only is, because perception is.

we are omnipotent - what is the most powerful thing we can do? is it destroy [blank]? we can easily destroy anything:

by destroying what it is that perceives it. 'it' only exists as sensory experience. we have the power to take life.

this is something i never want to do. we may all be gods, but when we don't use our godly privileges, that is true mercy and true morality.

Aaron:

fucking hell Immanuel Kant, take it easy. no but carry on this is fascinating stuff

Kant believed in relative realism. i am talking more phenomenalism

Aaron: I don't know who either of you are Kant or nyraaaan

i think bishop berkley was hot on that theory of perception

Aaron:

i bet he was.

i have this stream of constant thought... i can't keep it in

aaron, we are gods.

we are the only gods.

Aaron:

So i heard

it's fucking insane isn't it?

Aaron:

It's alright

seriously. i can't stop this stream of thought.

Aaron: you know who you need to nod along and agree with you? Jamie

it's all clear now.

Aaron:

go make music or do an art. then post it somewhere. then sleep.

i want to write

Aaron:

sort your consciousness out brother

writing is my chosen medium

Aaron: then write dear boy. write.

this requires direct and clear messages, and writing is the medium for this. here i go.

this might seem ridiculous

but it's perfectly in line with phenomalism, that we are omniscient

as humans

everything that is seen, is seen

and if it is not seen, it is not experienced

and if it is not experienced, it is non existant.

please tell me someone has something to say about this. what do you believe?

words

2009-03-14T16:16:00.004Z

some people stay sound, some never were
there to be around, but you loved them
don't swear blind
hear, see and speak, evils you got given
the vicar was a creep, but a father figure
don't sweat it
few more decades, and we'll be in the drink
sunken and sullen
have faith
stay true
that's all you need to know

i found some old cassette tapes

2009-03-11T20:00:00.003Z

cd-i obtained.

we can officially play the worst games ever made, and it's exciting. the zelda ones are actually as poor as they look. but ALL THE OTHER GAMES ARE GENUINELY WORSE.
i began to cry with laughter. i took a video. maybe it'll find it's way here one day.
went to royal holloway, it was pretty classy, the lecturers seemed cool, and the location is perfect. i don't know if it has the right course or the right environment/other students for me to produce classy work 'n stuff in. we'll see, but for now, i'm waiting on you westy.
i enjoy surprising people sometimes. smiles are cool.
unnecessary worrying makes my stomach feel bad, i was awfully nauseous last night (i ate a lot a lot a lot during the day) after my sisters friend came over, but left his car parked outside with his lights on, unlocked. later on his battery was gone and i had to jump it. (not like... *picture1* or *picture2*) though, that would've made my day a bit more varied.

i have to stop worrying.

a better blog was not possible due to life.

one of these days i'll make some money and buy myself those things that i want. acrylic paints, acoustic guitar strings, a new bicycle seat. i might ride over to your house each night. one of these days i'll get a real job. one that actually pays, like my dad has. one of these days i'll give up and give into the man.

wip2

2009-03-10T19:09:00.004Z

Hows it working for you? with pink/blue ghosts? By the way, ghosts burned down your house.

You know how sometimes youtube has those cool "watch in HD -high quality" videos?
Watch this, they're your new favourite band. They've been my new favourite for the past couple.
Seen that song live too, it's more incredible in person... but that video is well shot and the sound is good so click and be patient?

Tomorrow I am off to explore some scary paintings and old buildings, oh, and check out a university course.

I watched a food show on TV and texted a bit. I had fun, contemplated eating the food, firmly decided I might or might not try it. I want to have new hair, and also to see the hair of someone I like-in-that-way. I want to write a song for a musical and rehearse it with my class, then perform it when it's least expected (it would never be expected, so there's flexibility in that i guess)
This is something I've wanted for a long time.

One day I will write a blog and it will be all about you, and us, everything.
I will not publish said blog. I look forward to this :)

Talk to me.
x

wip

2009-03-09T16:06:00.004Z

from my other blog i had an idea, this has been an idea since then.
it is now going to be my first fully digital piece of art, since those vectors i used to do way back when.
i think it'll be good, eventually. needs about a weeks more work. the image shows the piece after about 20 minutes of getting the perspective right, and 5 minutes of choosing my colours.

i guess i went on a date on friday, it wasn't formal or anything, though i reckon i've gotta do that soon. that'd be cute, and i haven't bought flowers in a while. the restaurant is my favourite setting. wish there was such thing as a falafel pizza though, holy moly... might make one tonight!

i had a great weekend. i met lots of awesome people and smiled lots. i guess i was a bit quiet at times, but i was taking this whole new life in. everything is open and inviting, yet still private and personal between two people. i like things that are everything. they can do no wrong.
philosophically that seems oxymoronic, i suppose i should say that they do the least wrong. Still, what I'm trying to say is that despite sucking at seeming alive to the majority of the world, I am very content with my life.

everyone suddenly got twitter. alright.

Outkast know how to write trumpet riffs.... so so good. bowtie audio on youtube (beginning riff, and riff after the mid8 at 2:10. syncopation + trumpets - ska = yes.) Check it, just for the melody? Screw 'Hey Ya' (and the whole of the love below really. sorry andre.), get Speakerboxxx and Aquemini.
Aquemini features in a blog I've been writing for an annoying amount of days about the 'top' (ie the first ten i think of) 10 albums that changed my life or a part of my life.
I'd pay a ridiculous amount of money to see Outkast play live, with a setlist of my choosing (and full band of course).
So much more than dem Michael Jackson tickets which I'm considering..?
On that subject - getting some Brand Nizzle ticks soon. I really really really really really really am excited for that. I know that gig will be insanely good because I reckon I can get all my 'Brand New' loving friends together and we can sing/shout every word. *presses hype button*

My mum just passed me a sealed letter, brown paper. Westminster accepted me for an interview! I'm up for this. Despite on it having a mainly crappy reputation, I am set on there - I've visited it lots last year, stayed in halls once, ate at the canteen, and been through the whole interview procedure with a friend, and enjoyed it. It's in a great location. Lots of different people there. My tutor says it has a good employment rate, and he gets his staff from there mostly. I will get to work with people doing art, photography, and other things i also have an interest in. And best of all, I get to carry on with life mainly as normal - it's not too far from home, close enough to my girl, and i'm sure this means lots of fun projects and events in London, lots of 4 day weekends in the country or in the city, and lots more super 8! Everything looks bright and positive, well chuffed. It seems like I get to do what I love, and coincidentally get an honours degree in it! Unless I'm all the rage in the film world (i doubt this), I totally want to do an MA in cinematography at NFTS. Amazing place where the best of the best go! Stay in education as long as possible, you know the way it is. By the time I graduate, I expect I will be too old to buy a young persons railcard. ie. not a young person... woah.

So here's to the future, and it being way better than we all think, because that's totally what it will be for everyone.
Everyone's just got to try, and stick by their positive decisions, carrying everything through. :) Even when things are tough, try to keep smiles on, and you get smiles back. Then your smile of positivity becomes a smile of hope, and you know things will be okay eventually. Years later, they are, because you decided to try that one time. This is what people are living, how people live, and ultimately why people live.
Cheers.

x

Woe isn't me

2009-03-04T23:55:00.003Z

I want to burn a rich, upper class city skyscraper

I don't want anyone to be hurt, but I want everyone to lose all their worldly possessions.

I can feel everything, every cell in my body.

Actually, I feel like I am burning.

Suddenly I have so much inspiration to just... live. Argh.

Get Outta Here, Hitler

2009-03-01T12:56:00.003Z

Kind of tough to talk about life when you don't really want to tell everyone everything thats been happening, some stuff is just for you and a special someone, even if it's not that secret. I have been happy recently, and busy and working, but free enough to move and not make myself insane.
I played tetris a lot tough, it's tough game to get sick of, cos you can always better yourself and that's satisfying. saleontomorrow are my most played artist, i'm listening to the playlist right now and it's brilliant, usually i listen to a certain song a lot then get sick of it. Not these ones, for some reason. This summer I want to go away with great people, go south and west cuz it's awesome.
I have not much to say apart from that I am a very happy kid, mainly thanks to Ruth who is this girl I have a killa crush for. lol. Hi if you're reading. x
I would like to make a little more music soon, and it looks like that is going to be happening. I need to figure out how to write good songs though. Apparently I can, but I don't know how so for the most part my songs are awful and not worth showing people. Well, more music coming from me, soon, maybe.
I have not much to say.
x

I took this picture when Ruth came for her interview at CRC. It's a Ribena stuck sideways in the vend bit of a vending machine. the bit that's meant to catch it was chewing it like a mouth, and I laughed and took a picture. So close, yet so far!

sir, i've a good mind to take you outside

2009-02-19T01:53:00.004Z

i put my thumb and finger on a map between ely and newcastle, then between ely and falmouth and realised... even though i live in the 'south' of england, it's actually further away to go south than north. A 5-6 hour car journey followed by a 3-4 hour train ride in fact. i fall asleep on transport really easily. Driving home from college is dangerous to me for this reason. I think it's the vibrations in the seat that relax me and my eyes start to get heavy naturally.
on sunday we went to the beach and climbed on rocks, and drove around the country and town, where it seems it's just houses and oil refineries. it's a very different landscape from where i live right now. the possible highlight of it all was when bex, nicole and i started to make a roast, and then nick and jesse and everyone started joining in. making something so tasty from scratch is really satisfying, and having fun along the way. the majority was spent chilling out and meeting lots of people. i enjoyed it, but all the time wishing ruth was there. she would've loved the place and people, and most of all i would've loved her being there. i know she was back here worrying about me :) sweetie. and i'm confident about the interview going pretty well too! will i choose it though? nah, i very much doubt it. i recommend the uni and the town to others for its prettiness, freedom and stuff... but my life isn't there. my industry isn't there. everything will just... click better somewhere nearer to home. definitely will visit more often though, hopefully not alone though.... joe, summer 09 maybe? ruby? anyone? xx
anyway, my blogging abscence has been explained by the above. joes new blog-video is really excellent. he seems to write consistently amazing guitar hooks for outros to songs, it's possibly his signature awesomeness. i want to do a video with guitar and singing but i haven't got the mouth.

dinner x

images

2009-02-16T19:22:00.014Z

stills from a short film:
'beth'
1 min, super 8, silent
shot on 14th feb, london.

worst idea ever

2009-02-15T22:36:00.002Z

"my name is narayan o'hanlon and i am a homosexual."

dont leave your laptop alone with ruth.

everest

2009-02-13T21:19:00.002Z

I guess the perfect way to start a blog when you haven't blogged in a while is to apologise for not blogging in a while. Whether 4 days is a while or not in the world of the internet is disputable.
I guess
Tomorrow during the day I will be very busy and probably quite stressy, so right now is my chill/early night time. Ratatat are the masters of melody and rhythm. I wouldn't call them the best band ever, I don't know if they are even a band really, but I haven't heard pop songs with such mastery of how to make a song catchy, dancy, cool, and still keep a distinct style and a chilled out aura.
So much to do. Holidays will be so free and good. Falmouth will be fun.
I sometimes worry too much, about work and stress, so much is in my life, but right now is shutting my eyes and letting my brain melt to amazing sound.
I can't even explain how Nostrand and Cherry make my mind feel. Like a Laurent Fetis piece.

And Made In The Dark (the song) by Hot Chip is fantastic. It's so un-Hot-Chip, it's basically a crooner song/piano ballad, Alexis Taylor and Joe Goddard's voices are like butter melting on a plate of restaurant food that's really expensive and delicate.
It's the 7th song on their myspace, check it if you like piano ballads and quavery voices.

No more music, I didn't have much to say in the first place really.

Turning in for the night. x

melodies in D major

2009-02-09T18:00:00.003Z

kinda like how old folk reels used to work
little bit out of tune
mess up a few times
but this is something i wrote earlier, in between playing tetris

joe williams styley. i preferred his version of ignite, nooffencetomnorris!
might try and make it a proper song with words, but not sure.
x

i learned all i know from watching wrestling

2009-02-08T13:01:00.002Z

as usual i've lots of things happening in life, lots of travelling around going to university interviews, lots of college work i haven't done, lots of people i must get around to seeing. i really want to do everything, but i love sleep and laziness too much!
ezxrctvygubhinj. it'll all get done eventually, i'm sure.
i am happy, i usually am, but right now i'm more happy than usual, despite the amount of stress i should be feeling from the amount of work i've got to get done. so thanks. :)
i am doing a drawing and trying to write a song, need to keep both sides of my brain active or else i might chemically freeze to death. maybe (probably) i'll post the fruits up on here.
valentines day shall be spent in london learning about super 8 and making a film. this is great news, but crappy that it's on valentines day. but in the late eve' i will rush back home to be overly romantic to some girl i like ;D
valentines day is a much argued about day, many people choosing not to celebrate it because 'you should be nice every day' or 'the card companies are just after more money'. Well, these statements are both true, but do they stand up against the sheer fact that a tradition is alive, or that this day can be used to do something that wouldn't be possible everyday, like ...something really special? And the fact that it's all arranged for one day, knowing that all around the world there are many couples being cute and stuff, it's quite sweet. to counter, why not do something really special on another day of the year? why is 14th feb necessary for this? well, no reason really. is the fact there is no reason fuelling the pro-side or the cons-side? obviously there are many back and forth arguments and i could go on forever, so, what do you think? comment if you want :)
from a personal point of view, i won't be boycotting valentine's day. well, i will be on my own (technically just with people i've never met before) in london until half 5. but i will try my best to see my girl after it for the remaining hours. no, i won't be buying hallmark cards, won't be buying tesco flowers, but i will try to show my love with something from the heart. maybe the film i make earlier in the day will be for her. maybe i'll write a song? who knows, i don't want to ruin it on a blog because i know she reads it. so long as what i do is from the heart and not fuelling the madly hungry/capitalist industries that use a traditional romantic day, and try and turn it into a tacky superficial money-fuck, then i'll be safe in the knowledge that valentines day isn't so tacky and superficial as i used to think, because i'm the one who has the power to make my day what i want it to be, not card companies.
i have nothing to do tomorrow but i'd like to do something, so if anyone wants to, contact. if not i'll just have to finish my drawing and song and work.
kind of a disappointing blog really eh? i'll be sure to be more interesting/funny/pictures/music/drawings next time don't worry.
x

deltitnu

2009-02-06T21:30:00.018Z

all from phone, sorry.

a non-adventure in prague with non-pictures.

2009-02-05T22:56:00.004Z

there was going to be a picture blog here, and there will be. but right now i can't fit my memory stick between the bars that go across the front of the computer... oh well. man it out.

man it out. patrick has made that phrase lose all meaning by saying it at every opportunity.

i am in a club in prague right now.
i've eaten so well, more than ever infact.
i narrowly avoided a strip club, and the boat were staying on is ace.
on impulse bought a ukulele, serenaded many people.
chris tried to buy weed but accidently bought bits off a christmas tree.
bottles of beer are about 30 pence. so much cheaper than water, i'm a sucker - everyone buying pints, even the girls. there i am with a strawberry milkshake.
oh yeah, on monday our flight was cancelled. that was irritating! i stayed over patrick's and we had a curry. that day was the best. snow everywhere, was out all day sledding and snowball fighting. best bit was when the polite indian waiter served jamies sizzling steaming duck, with his face over the steam "i..i can't actually see.. a thing" while being burned. jamie re-enacted it and i nearly cried laughing. "i can't actually see" is now a meme.
'dickweed' is how everyone has been saying thankyou to czech people. i feel kind of awkward.
the city is full of beautiful old buildings. really pleasant place. i doubt i'd visit here if i had a choice of country/city. i like to go to countries to see the actual landscapes more than the architecture, or nightlife. the journey from the airport to the boat was basically like england with different fonts on the street signs. the journey to stansted was awful, got up at 4am, worst conditions ever... driving down the M11 at 30mph in pitch black sky, snow and ice on the roads, and about 2m visibility in front. dad was a hero though and ...manned it out. then yeah, flight cancelled. such a waste :( but still, in the end the day was awesome. the best bit about the trip so far has been the company. i don't really hang out with these guys out of college and it's fun to be forced into this situation with these different characters and see how everyone ticks. kinda like reality television, without the television. reality.
i bought a poster and watched howls moving castle with jamie. we got a room with the single beds pushed together and double covers... so we pulled the beds apart to jamie's dismay.
so anyway, yeah, we managed to nab 28 of 33 free seats on a plane on the tuesday and extended the trip to friday.
i didn't really wanna extend to friday. i just wanna go home really, see Ruth.
i'm so happy i have someone to come home to. i love being outside of england though, don't get me wrong. next foreign holiday, it's gotta just be me, you, and a car.

sorry i haven't been blogging as much as i wanted. matter of fact i reckon this will be my only *in prague* blog. wireless internet access is so annoyingly difficult. everytime i refresh my airport, theres a whole new set of isdn names and i don't get on any of them, despite having no wep or wpa keys. but i found this computer in this nightclub. everyone is upstairs getting crunk and i'm being a nerd. story of my life!

i enjoyed this holiday, while it lasted, but the bottom line is i'm more than happy to be going back to what i've been missing for the last week or so.

xxxx

this blog will be replaced with a picture blog with mainly my phone pictures. not too bad quality shots though. check it tomorrow evening some point i guess.

prargh

2009-02-01T12:44:00.000Z

I had a crazy good time yesterday, just chilling out and stuff is so much more fun when you're with your favourite person. Lots of new things happening, new names to learn and places to be, and I'm sure there's many more to come. In my life, this is what is most important to me.

Goin' to Prague tomorrow, I wasn't really looking forward to it until... well I'm still not hugely excited really. I'll probably be a bit excited when we're all at the airport, but I am forecasting myself to be so so so tired by then, so... who knows? The best bit about Prague is going to be the coming-back-home bit, so I can continue with my first paragraph. According to my Dad, it's one of the most beautiful cities in Europe, and Josh and Zoe also told me it was cool. On googling it, i find shops such as Marks and Spencer, Debenhams, Mothercare... sorted, don't need to leave England really! Let's hope Prague likes vegetarians... speaking of which I had a really nice Moussaka yesterday, om nom nom. Hell yeah, just found a cheap Tex-Mex restaurant with a good menu.

On the music front I can't stop listening to 'Me and Giuliani Down by the School Yard (A True Story)' by '!!!'. I've had it for ages but I'm addicted to it at the moment. It has to be the Magnum Opus of !!!, 9 minutes of music that genuinely makes you want to dance with a bassline nearly as sexual as 'that' DFA79 song. I would love to see that song live, for the sheer fact no one wouldn't be going crazy.

Right now I've gotta charge up all my appliances, pack my clothes etc and say my goodbyes.
Big love. x

PS. check out how awful the exchange rates are!

Happy Birthday, John McFakename!

2009-01-29T18:16:00.000Z

i try and be informative
i wanted to be asleep by now
weekends come at a steady rate, usually once a week
past non-sequiturs and haikus brighten a dull descent into evening
a small picture of an aeroplane
nothing to complain about, my bulb is fixed and i didn't even pay the guy
i'm just deadly tired and slightly grumpy
fuck, where's the weekend
though i can hardly be more happy
4am is time kept set aside for one activity
if dreaming can be called that

this is how i feel today, right now, after waking up from a nap early. here's to another half hour of much needed sleep.
these would make good owls lyrics, or a mediocre bookcase. (out of context anti-joke)
stay tuned for a better blog when i'm fully conscious, probably tomorrow. bring on loud practice.
bitches don't even know. x

nature's what we've made of it

2009-01-28T13:42:00.000Z

Life's continuing it's fun/lucky streak, I got offered a place at Royal Holloway! I'll need to work really really hard until the end of my course, but if I do get the grades, I know theres a great payoff, i could choose to make a certainty of going here. Again with this I'm not sure If I'd choose it, I really need to find out more about the actual place. I heard it's like Hogwarts though. I don't really know where I'd choose... but if rhul is really really good (and I hope it is) then I've just gotta go.

BTMI was wicked fun, sang much. Jeff was craaaazy, and it was fun. I failed to play the bass in one song at all well, I struggled through, the bass was apparently feedbacky and the strap was too low, i'd never touched the bass or the amp before in my life, volume levels were all wrong, i didn't know what was going on, but I don't care! It was just fun. I'm supposed to be getting my car fixed *sigh* again right now, but I'm doing this and am too comfy. :/ Gotta get up shockingly early tomorrow morning, like, 4 or something. I don't know how I'm gonna get to college for 6. Ah well, it'll be a cool day in London, in princess studios. Yeah, nice pansy name right?? haha.
Then in the evening I shall somehow get to Cambridge and practice a song. Friday won't suck too much, and the weekend will be excellent, and next week I'll be far away. I need to make some short films for fun, anyone wanna help out with ideas or production?

Woah.

jamir, like the lovechild of jamie and a tapir

2009-01-27T09:49:00.000Z

jamirrrrrr

found sleeping

2009-01-26T22:00:00.000Z

here we go yo, so what's tha scenario? - i blog. blogs are cool. i highly recommend to anyone reading who has an interesting life, or hobby, or just has something to say, to get one. i think the intention of my blog is so be generally happy and positive while showing and telling the world some of the things i make and things i do during my weeks. occasionally i like to go crazy and start rambling about massive philosophical discussions and try and get people to think or respond in a positive way. i discourage anyone from blogging with intent to harm or knowledge their words are harmful. if anyone has been upset by my words, i'm sorry. i want to connect my friends and see and hear and read what they have been doing, feeling, and experiencing, through a deep and involving form of networking. better than myspace, gee, you should see mine. all mysterious and vague. who cares? blogs are cool.
so those are the reasons i blog.

btmi! is tomorrow, i'm so hyped for that. maybe i'll play the bass in 'dude get with the program', but i haven't decided if i have the balls to play live. that said, if i can play keys at cornex i can probably play bass in 1 song at the portland. if jeff lets me. cool.
i had an excellent weekend, really really really good. pretty much spent it all with ruth, who is really awesome in all ways (hi, if you're reading). today i made myself a big bowl of pasta and made this cool tomato and tabasco and onion, garlic, peppers etc sauce. really really nice. but right now i really want to open up the fridge and just bite a block of cheese. joe knows the feeling! college is going ok. prague is exciting prospects. i'll miss everyone, and i miss most people anyway. can't wait to get down to falmouth and see becka, it's been months and months. this summer is exciting prospects too. next summer is exciting prospects too, iceland, if i can be bothered. (i am aware my grammar has been poor on this blog, it's intentional.)

off to bite some cheese.
pure peace to all. x

pineapples on sticks?

2009-01-25T21:53:00.000Z

Abstract blogging?

I'm ruthless.

Winterview?

2009-01-23T17:40:00.000Z

Failmouth. For being so far from home. I'm excited though, I think I can be good at the interview as long as I don't get too nervous just before. I don't know if I'd choose to go there in the end, if I get offers from everywhere I apply, I just want to be able to choose - so I hope they like me and want me there. I'll get tips from Becka and Gina. I'm looking forward to it though! It'll be fun. All BA's suck though, right? I don't care much, I'd much rather spend my remaining youth hanging out with awesome creative interesting people and doing fun collaborative things than trying to get work, running, making tea, running, and cable bashing.
This weekend will hopefully be relaxed and fun. Dreads probably aren't happening 'til next week so maybe I'll get to hang out with Ruth, or just write a song or do a drawing or make a film. I really gotta beef [meat, Katie, lol] up my folio for Falmouth. And for the other unis too, when they get back to me. Oscar is awesome, nearside headlight is out! That's handy! grehsbiewbiabefibfd.
Colleen and Aaron both started up new blogs recently, awesome. I think more people should. I don't follow many people, and I think I'd like to follow more. You can't really learn much from a person just by looking at their myspace, facebook, photos, but when it's actually them talking about things in their life, it's much more real, involving and productive. It's even interesting to read blogs of people you don't know and never will. Reading is cool, especially non-fiction.
I'm starting shooting my super 8 film soon. That's exciting too, I need to get my shit together.
Friday night, wheyyyyy. I am in bed. It was chilly today. I didn't go to any of my actual lessons, just filmed stuff and listened to a man talking about starting up businesses. I enjoyed it.
I do too much, too little, and get lonely, I must be a sole trader! But nah, I'm just me. Thank goodness. I am so chilled with life. For life. Peace. x

messing around in garageband

2009-01-21T18:02:00.001Z

within the hour, i made a 'song' on 4 tracks, all in single takes. it's shoddy but i really like some of the guitar parts. i also have been doing a lot of writing, so i can't be awfully fussed with writing a full blog today!

Here's the mp3.

if you listen closely, you can hear life in this breath.
night x

cerberus

2009-01-20T20:42:00.000Z

Yeaaah, found my passport! Prague here I come. We're gonna be staying on a boat which is a hotel. Here's where I make everyone roll their eyes by jumping in with the "BOTEL!", but no. That's what it's actually called.

So, that's another country off the list! Iceland or Norway have got to be next... if Jamir goes I'm forcing him to take me with him. Here's a list of the countries I've been to, some multiple times but I'm not listing that.

EUROPE
Austria
Slovakia
Czech Republic [in a week or two]
Spain
France
Germany
Denmark
Gibraltar [does it count?]
Wales
Cyprus
AMERICAS
Canada
ASIA
India
Nepal

The main reason for these lists is to keep a record, to look back at incase I forget :)
But if anyone wants to ask about these places feel free! I like telling my stories.
So I've pretty much conquered everywhere if I go to the far east, middle east, africa, australasia, and south america. The next places I want to go are Iceland, Tromso, Japan and just see more of the UK. Just been checking stuff out with the parents and it seems like a good idea, sadly the Icelandic car hire company that had the lowest age limit only gave cars to 20 year olds. So, one more year!
Hopefully tomorrow will bring something cool or interesting, and if it doesn't, I guess I'll have to make it a cool day.
I've been trying to do a drawing but I'm too tired. :(
x

with wings

2009-01-20T00:24:00.000Z

this picture makes me so happy and so sad at the same time, what do you feel?
click for full size.

Trackhead

2009-01-19T01:59:00.000Z

Don't know how I became addicted to Track. No, it's not slang for anything, it's this ucas thing where you can see if any universities have responded to your application. Now, I don't know why but I feel really unsure about the whole thing. Maybe it's the fact it was handled by CRC, maybe it's the fact I don't have as great AS grades as I should, cos I gave up halfway through the year and quit, maybe it's the fact I soon might have a life I won't want to move away from. But the future is unwritten, so who knows what person I will be in a year's time? Let me stop this before it goes really deep and becomes like that other blog.

top left, lookin like a sucka.

I made some sound and jumped around on a big stage last night. It was pretty crazy, I hope I get a chance to do it again and again. I also spent my night with people who can only make me happy, the guys in the band(s) only ever had funny and positive things to say. My family turned out, and they enjoyed it surprisingly - they (kind of were obliged to) tell me that Tell It To The Marines played the best set of the evening. Joseph came too, I was so pleased to see him and he said more posi stuff! And last but not least, Ruth had to put up with me all evening and a portion of the day, I dragged her around the whole of the Corn Exchange, and Cambridge to an extent, so I am ever thankful she kept a smile on. The very funny ending came during A.R.T's set (I think many young teens left to catch trains after the Marines) where they were trying to play that Soulja Boy song, and the house lights came up and their instruments got quieter. Lolza! Still, they were entertaining and everyone else was too. And James Page gave me a piggy back during the epic cornex stage invasion of 2009.

this is just a picture, not a video, haha.

I want to do something tomorrow, something good and fun that I can look back at or keep. So many days I go through and at the end all I have done is stay alive. I wanna make a memory or a song or a picture or a film. Anyone have a stimulus? Someone wanna come over?

I really HAVE to find my passport within the next week, else I'm screwed.
sleep well. x

The host's expression changes to an unsettling grin

2009-01-16T08:41:00.000Z

Woah man, my sleeping patterns are really ruined. I feel great though, have since 7am. I got home after college yesterday, managed to get my car started. This is good news because it was broken. I take it out for a spin to recharge the battery/get fuel/water/air etc. By this point in the day I am so very tired.
Straight after that I started writing a long message to Ruth, the last time I looked at the clock it was 7:29. Then, I wake up at about 4am. My laptop is shut, on the bed next to me along with my wallet and speakers, ipod and some coins from my pockets, my t shirt is half on my head and I'm still wearing my jeans. My socks are off, and I'm under the blankets. I look at the clock, notice the time and I'm like... aw MAN! And go straight back to sleep. My alarm wakes me up at 7am. I check, and apparently my message didn't send but luckily I saved it half finished as a pages document? So I'm sorry to everyone that I wasn't contactable yesterday. I'm sorry to my tutor that I haven't done the work, and I'm sorry to Ruth I haven't sent her a message I meant to send some days ago.

Weirder things have happened. This is good though, cos I'm not [too] tired :D Awesome. On the flip side I tried to use my car this morning. Not happening. WHAT?!?!? I FIXED IT LAST NIGHT. Yeah, this is how it goes [or doesn't go]. Sigh. So here I am, I have 5 minutes to get to college, and I'm at home. Win/loss?

thanks for the excellent comments on the last blog joe + jamie. I'll make a comment on it too, when I have some time later on this evening [unless I fall asleep again].

I know I deserve worse

2009-01-15T02:05:00.000Z

Brand New will always be great eh?
And B, Life won't, but it's good right now!

That's a joke that was only meant to be spoken I guess.

Will I regret leading a life that may well go nowhere? Studying subjects which focus on aesthetics, facades and generally just have superficial values? If I'd wanted I could've been a second rate doctor, or studied economics or law. Will I want to at some point, but by then have nowhere to go? I know for sure I haven't made all the right decisions for myself, as far as career goes. But does that really matter? Most people would just say 'Whatever makes you happy', but that raises the question of 'What makes people happy?'. Perhaps being in familiar comfortable situations, or active ever-changing engaging situations, or both? I guess you can choose whatever you like when you have enough money. From jobs. I really don't love the system of money that we have, it's caused more problems now than it ever has and people don't realise there are alternatives, I can envisage it, and it makes sense, we just have to completely rethink how the economy works. I know I need to learn more about it to fully understand it, I'm all on that though, so no worries. I want to finish reading "The Undercover Economist" once I'm done with this blog, but despite not being tired I'm going to have to force myself to sleep because I've gotta be up so early to...day. Anyway, the world isn't going to make change like that. My ideas, me, I'm not going to make a mark on the world. I'm not saddened or nervous about this, I totally accept that in the universe I am nothing. I am something indescribably quieter than pppppppppppppppp -ianissimo that will exist for less then a emixemicemivemibeminemihemidemisemiquaver in the neverending musical score of existance. Even less actually. It's hard to quantify anything on an infinite scale. I don't think it can even be done.
This blog is even less, nothing, does it even exist? I know it doesn't matter, so why am I writing it? About 10 people will read it, maybe less. It is not instructional and does not prompt action, it will go in one ear and out the other (again, doesn't really work on paper (which doesn't really work unless you printed this out to read it. if you did, you're ridiculous, i like you.)) and when written about big topics and possibly be considered 'philosophical' it's even more pointless. I enjoy it though. Sadly it's not a viable career option, philosopher, no matter how important it is to me to say vague things while walking round in a bathrobe. Even Plato admitted in the Republic how philosophers weren't valued in society. He is very much valued, though. If I remember right he was well off too. Maybe he was a pimp on the side or something, pay the bills, y'know.
The fact I'm nothing - aside. I am equal to all your nothings. And we affect each other and make each other. Then years later I'm hoping billions of trillions of nothings end up making or being 1 something, measurable on a universal scale. But right now, in nothingsville I am one of many people who surround themselves in emotions, feelings and thoughts created by chemicals and electrical impulses in one complex as hell brain. I know these emotions and feelings and thoughts don't matter, but how can they not when they constantly affect everything that one does? Is the world obsessed with things that don't matter? I think yes to an extent...
Anyway, what matters to me in my life still matters, even if I do question everything that I do. I have the ability to love, which can infinitely consume me if it likes, cool, I don't mind.

It's pointless replying or talking about it, but hey, our lives are pointless anyway, so what's to lose? Let's get our complex as hell brains working. Feel free to comment and talk. Only combining with other nothings can something be made. (although 0+0=1 is kind of a strange concept, but you get me innit)

On a less infinite scale, I'm bringing it right down to proper miniscule level here, I got into the semi finals of yobi pics and yobi film, two online contests - one for photography and one for filmmaking. The pile of prize money is big and [Leon's] getting larger!!! I hope someone gets that. Also I'm playing a gig with a band whose listening demographic are 12-15 year old girls. Probably gonna get dreads the week after, I don't overly care what most people think. Everyone's nothing eh. I do like to make people happy, and sadly I think people who like to make people unhappy suck, so if I get stick for it or people assume I have cannabis so I can sell it to them, I'll tell them politely where to shove it and start ranting about the fact it doesn't matter. If I can't get a job because of it, I'll cut my hair and condition 'em out. No biggie. Though places shouldn't think it's important anyway, in the same way I don't. It's hair. It's not even alive.

I realise part of growing up, being mature, is having a certain level of not giving a shit about stuff.
I strongly believe this.
However, there are things that will always deserve to be given a shit. (That is to say there are things that matter)
Like positivity, constructiveness, helpfulness, thoughts, action, interaction, intra-action, and of course love in all it's forms.

Why did I write this when I have so much other stuff to do?

I have not proofread this.

Night.

Morning!

Guilt With Different Holidays

2009-01-08T02:23:00.000Z

So we're all for the point of view
that the past cannot be changed
before a certain point in history.
Claiming Genesis is fallacy
means mentally deranged.
We won't offer that point of view,
we'll stand in line and pray.
Four horses and four men,
that'll be the day.

For a song, a short song! You may think Christianity [or other religion] is silly, pointless or preachy now but imagine the times where it was so widespread it was basically law to be catholic let alone Christian. This song is about that, I guess. The 2nd guitar part needs some work but I think Joe can deal with that! It's a simple song, on the recording there's only ever 2 guitars and 2 voices. And some clapping. Thom even made it his profile song on that myspace website. :)
Sleeping happy tonight, mixture of reasons. Thanks to all that make up my life. Love.

Oh, and the title of the song comes from something Cathy Ladman said. Along the lines of "Religion is just guilt with different holidays".

resolution revolution!

2009-01-06T00:48:00.000Z

Hallo blogger. There are so many things I could be doing, should be doing. It's late, I'm tucked up in bed... I just want to exhale through the medium of blog, before I sleep. It's college tomorrow (today) and I'm really really not tired. Gotta force my body out of this new years eve pattern. I wonder if my car will start in the morning.
A few things to say. Blog is perhaps a new years resolution for me, I still don't know when it became a verb. It hasn't even been a noun that long, let's be frank. Does it even deserve to be a verb? Does poor old Frank deserve to be an adjective? Do I deserve to be Frank? Tough, because I'm being Frank anyway.
University seems basically screwed. I really hope UCAS gets sorted on time. If not, meh, I'll wait a year and work/travel/music/create/fall in love, if I'm really lucky.
Life is in a strange place. There is so much happening, but so much to worry about.
I need to teach myself not to want. That's gonna be a big thing to do this year, really big. Bigger than that movie with Tom Hanks, and that was big.
I think i'll do some more mini films, not for college though (ie. good ones that i like), so I can put some stuff in my showreel for universities if/when that happens.
I have many an email going unreplied... that gets me down, when I know someone else is waiting on it. For me. Action! Argh. I just need more time.
Goodnight my friends.

Once Around The Sun is a brilliant record, you are really lovely, college is going to be fun but effort, worries are surrounding a lot of life, winter is only going to get colder and I am going to sleep.

this town needs guns - animals (album review)

2009-01-04T15:46:00.000Z

This Town Needs Guns have come a long way since I took photos of them at Water Rats early last year, supporting Anathallo. They have their first full length album out, and it's fantastic. It's called Animals.

Sure, their brand of guitar-noodle-tapping-vocals-dancing-all-over-the-place-time-signature-destroying music won't immediately be to everyone's liking, but with mastery of melody and a well thought out structure, beautiful flurries of dancy hooks hold the album together from complete obscurity. As a fan of Kinsella-oriented bands I find this album rich with a similar kind of musical exploration, though I found it hard to decide whether having slow hand claps at the ending of 'Pig' is a reference or a rip off of the end of Owls' 'Holy Fucking Ghost'. The guitar playing, particularly on 'Baboon' is intense, Tim Collis can sure tap. Fortunately instead of being irritating or excessive, the plinky-plonky guitars make This Town Needs Guns the band they are - impressive and full of clever [counter]melodies. The other band members are also very talented, the complex drum parts changing time sig. multiple times during any given song, the pitch-perfect frontman with an Oxford English Accent, and the [oft described as] boogie-ing basslines giving the songs a sort of danceability. The album isn't flawless, and I think a few listens are required by all, to fully appreciate Animals. After my few listens, I came to the conclusion that 'Panda' and 'Dog' [and to an extent 'Quetzal', but this can be forgiven and dismissed as a 30 second 'interlude'] lack a hook on the same scale as the other songs, which really is what drives the album. It seems the songs do the same thing as the others, but less well, less catchily? Also, a gimmick of the album seems to be starting almost every full length song with the same crash cymbal, going into the groove instantly. Uncheck Panda, Elk, Quetzal, Crocodile and Zebra in your iTunes and play the first second of the other tracks in succession, you'll see what I mean.
High points of the album for me include the instrumental 'Elk', in which [now ex] bass player Dan Adams plays the melody on trumpet. It is TTNG's equivalent of the 'Last Post', solemn and triumphant. Despite being arguably the least 'experimental' track, 4/4 time, regular chord patterns and predictable cadences, it is certainly the track which gave me the biggest emotional response. The texture is thin, the most part is just guitar with the trumpet solo on top, yet the strange familiarity of the song [speaking from a classically trained background/also a fan of trumpet-toting American Football might be a factor?] definitely provoked something in me, almost got teary listening to it. Other high points include vocals in 'Crocodile', all of 'Baboon', the catchy singalong chorus of 'Lemur', and all of 'Chinchilla' which is a perfect opener to the album, and sums up the record in it's entirety.
There's plenty more I could say about Animals, but I could say plenty on anything, so I'll leave you with that and hope that if you're 'into that sort of thing', then a few listens through 'Animals' will leave you wanting a few more. Go buy the CD? Or maybe a vinyl? Perhaps check their website or myspace page?
A good day to all.

first night

2008-08-07T07:59:00.000+01:00

I fought my way through the crowds of people, and saw someone holding a sign with A's name on it ('A' being the first letter of the name of the man who I knew was also helping to make the film) and I explained that even though I wasn't the person they were looking for, I was meant to be getting in the same taxi. These guys had been waiting hours for me and A, and they were really surprised to find 'Narayan' was infact a white guy, rather than a Nepali. There were lots of armed police, so in order to find A, the people collecting me from the airport (who were very friendly and welcoming) sent me back in, through the exit. I sneakily made my way back into the airport, against the flow of people exiting the airport via "nothing to declare". I looked around for tourist-looking types, and the first guy I approach happens to be A! So we leave the airport again, and get in the taxi. The roads in Nepal, to western eyes are deathtraps, whole families on mopeds, no road markings, contant horns beeping, under-taking. The only rule seems to be "if you can, try to stay generally on the left side, but if you can't, oh well." so the first taxi ride was fun and memorable of India (where I stayed about 2 years ago for a few weeks). We settled into the Millennium Inn, I had a room all to myself. Two single beds, en-suite, little balcony. I saw no cockroaches which was a plus, even if the curtains were totally ripped up and all the taps in the bathroom released cold water, and the bedsheets clearly hadn't been washed. But hey, that's just a guest house in the Nepali style! After a few hours of chilling out and settling in, me and A were called upon with the message that someone was waiting for us downstairs. M and K (first initials of last names) were in the lobby and after a short hello we went to eat the first Nepali meal. M is an Australian photographer/musician, with apparently not a lot of experience in directing films, and K is a Kathmandu local, who is the director of photography. Both are friendly and in good spirits. My first meal was from quite a posh restaurant in Thamel (the most busy, touristy area - though no tourists in sight!) and I chose the vegetarian Nepali Thali Set Menu. It's the fish and chips of nepal - the classic dish. It consists of a big portion of rice, the soup-like Dal Bhat, Tarkari, Achar, Papad, and Green Salad. It was delicious! Afterwards, K takes us for a walk round Thamel, and we're instantly a target for hundreds of street vendors, children, and drug dealers. K leads us into a narrow stairwell with signs of britney spears face and text saying "krazy girl in shower dance", but we continue upstairs past the door to the strip club/brothel (with a shower!) and on to the top floor, which was a dingy and gritty bar, the only lighting coming from the lights above 3 dilapidated pool tables. So we start to shoot some pool! Many hours later, the table is finally cleared and another game begins. I start feeling nervous about how late it's getting but continue to play on until the wee hours. When we go back to the hotel, it's all locked up, so we ring doorbells and make a racket, and about 5 minutes later, the disgruntled manager (who clearly just woke up for us) opens the gate. Sleeeeep.

journey

2008-08-06T22:00:00.000+01:00

The flight from Heathrow to KTM was made in 3 painstaking stages, each a stage less luxurious than the last. The first flight to Bahrain went well, lots of Westerners politely and quietly stowing their baggage and going to sleep. Kung Fu Panda (with Arabic subs) was the in-flight movie, and easily the best part of the flight which woul've been pretty pleasant if it weren't for the man to the left of me who kept wanting to rest his arm on my leg...
At Bahrain my flight onto Nepal was delayed by about an hour, so I spent most of my time sitting awkwardly and silently between Arabs and Nepalis, being the only white person on the flight. Infact the plane I got on was not the one straight to Katmandu, after 20 minutes the plane stopped in Dammam and some people got off, and many more (mainly Nepalis) got on. The changeover was painful - it took hours, and after sitting down for about a day, I couldn't bear the hour long wait while the amazed passengers pressed all the buttons and around them and pointed at everything in the plane. I find these people to be very inquisitive and engaged with everything - which can be a great thing but at the time I was incredibly tired and unable to sleep. The plane on the second and third legs of the journey was significantly worse for wear than the classy (for a cheaper airline) flight from the UK. Oh, and for both flights I was in the middle section of chairs, I'd have killed for a window seat to properly see the Himalayas from the air. All I got was glimpses from behind the back of someone's head.
At KTM airport, I notice a few westerners but none of them in the hour-long queue to show their visas/disembarkation cards. I reluctantly join behind many Nepali's, some of which gesture to me and point at other queues but I stay and everything works out okay. Waiting for my baggage which I hadn't seen since over a day before, was a little trying - there was many baggage conveyors but no way to tell which was my flight, and everyone I asked told me a different thing. I manage in the end, and walk out of the airport to meet torrential rain and about 15 people crowding round asking if i need a taxi. It has begun!

the last supper

2008-08-05T02:17:00.000+01:00

i wrote my first blog, it took about 4 hours and it was around 5000 words, then as i ctrl+c it, so i can paste it somewhere else to save it, it all disappears from the editor, and does it's little "autosave draft" thing. it's gone, forever. i hate everything.

you know what rattles my grill? the armed forces and patriotism.

2007-11-20T13:41:00.000Z

in the gap between my last post and now, i've made a lot of progress in my life and in my work.
my audio stuff became very productive and i started dialogue with labels and artists who really enjoy it! (before i became swiftly inactive once university started) i feel generally good. i wrote a lot, but have stopped to start at university where i've met many great, interesting people and also been able to develop my ideas.

i felt empowered to write this blog because of a seemingly petty reason - people scare me, or rather, people's views scare me. the amount of people willing to support britain's armed forces, or to 'say no' to anti-war marches. the same people, friends, who would protest the war, the same people that 'hate' the BNP... are in force joining facebook groups to support armed forces, and to speak out against anti-war marches... groups whose admins are even BNP MEMBERS.

i don't understand where people want to draw lines, or if most people's views are actually created by other strangers and friends, and masses choose to agree or disagree to form their individual identities. if the latter is true, i have a suggestion which i hope you choose to latch on to (but i'm not gonna create a facebook group. oh no): DO NOT SUPPORT THE ARMED FORCES IN ANY WAY. it may seem shocking or 'unpatriotic' of me, but... i question what they stand for. i believe any country has an armed force to indirectly threaten everyone else. it is naive to create a world of peace and harmony when we all have our guns pointed at each other. we talk of disarming other nations, but really we must disarm ourselves. it is power which is craved. protection which the people think they have. that's the bottom line, without realising it, most people buy into the idea that attack is the best form of defence.
if no one had the capability to attack, why would anyone need the capability of defence? no one should need either of these things.

it is not moral to support any armed forces and patriotism is a sham. i could choose to be patriotic - nationalist if you will (it is actually the same thing), but i don't believe there is anything within a polyester flag that i find remotely empowering. empowerment comes from within the human, and if anyone believes that a land mass holds magic powers and is worthy of worship, they are, frankly, deluded. don't get me wrong - i like being home, i love it, the place i live in, grew up in... but that could be anywhere in the world. and places change. constantly. most patriots are unhappy with the changes. get real!
i'd rather be at one with all people, and all countries, i'd rather be proud of things which i am actually involved in - my achievements, my work, and being human. i had nothing to do with the second world war (often the centrepoint of the british patriot's trophies) and i do not respect it. i despise violence and destruction, even when it may be 'nessecary' (even though measures can be taken to ensure it never is). i am not proud of it, i am ashamed of britain and it's choice to go to war. logically, i am even more ashamed of nazi-ism and it's choice to begin something so terrible that half the world deemed it war-worthy.

we are not teams. real life is not a game.
if i accept some sort of historic responsibility and have HUGE pride for britain 'winning' world war two,
then logically i MUST accept responsibility for germany and it's allies' actions.
i MUST feel SHAME that humans could ever do such things. things like hate with no reason. or hate, full stop. kill. oh... wait... 'britain' did these things too...
but no! 'we' did it for the 'good' of the world! of course! the winners are never wrong.

i am allowed to associate with germany and feel shame because of it... because it is a human association. it's not about where people are from in the world. that is COMPLETELY ARBITRARY. it's about small groups of people and huge amounts of power. having borders set to make differentiation in people's minds easier. seventy years ago, the borders of countries meant people were forced into sides. whole countries were fighting a fight which never should have started. japan. usa. italy. did the people have a choice about it? no. maybe they had a vote. that is a very very different thing. can you see?

it's true that people live and are brought up in different social climates, but this doesn't mean everyone within each imaginary border thinks in the same way. and increasingly it is not so.

who really wants guns? guns are designed to wound and kill. if not that, they're designed to threaten. if not that, they're designed to be sold for money. money which the consumer's banks (The RBS Group case in point) help pay for.
who really wants violence?
who really wants for there to be killing?
who really wants to threaten others?
who really wants to be threatened?
apparently, almost everyone.
...do you?

the more we set to stubbornly differ ourselves from other human beings, on false pretenses - the pretense that invisible lines exist and make us different, then the easier it is to break down humanity. the less empathetic humans can become to our fellow man - the more racist, conservative, and... patriotic(?) we become.
the further we are from harmony... from association and friendship.

action is needed. it's needed for there to be a re-action.
it may not always be an equal or opposite reaction.
sometimes action needs to happen again and again to make even a small reaction.

to be the change i want to see in the world, i can change my lifestyle from what is considered typical bit by bit.
but i can't do it alone, or the reaction won't be big enough.
but... if i ask others to do it i feel like i will be unjustly affecting their lives, like a preachy (but usually well meaning) christian, or a preachy (and usually cynical and hateful*) atheist.

*just sayin'!

all i can ask is that one must do further reading, and make your own opinions - try to avoid using opinions of others which you haven't properly understood or thought through (ie. joining a facebook group because you think it seems like a good idea or title). you don't even have to agree with mine. i don't nessecarily want you to. i just want you to understand and gracefully accept it. i think that is a great skill, and i'm sorry i didn't gracefully accept the purpose of the armed forces or patriotism before i started writing this post.

this is a call to you. to realise that there is meaning in everything. and to also realise you can never understand every single one of these meanings in any text, or even any single word. (one reason being simply that you can never comprehend every context. only a few. or technically one. your own)

simply, this blog was to show you how i feel about an issue that rattles my grill, and hope that maybe one day, you, the reader, could change a viewpoint, or, with empathy, help comprehend someone elses. (perhaps start with mine? all you need to do is nod politely and not hate me by the end.)

take action on something that you want to change in the world, big or small, bit by bit.

please talk, i'm not scared to hear what you have to say, and you shouldn't be scared to say it.